


how it ends

by thedisasternerd



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It of Sorts, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Lots of that, M/M, Post-Order 66, because how DARE THEY GIVE ME ALL THE FEELS I JUST WANTED TO NERD OUT TO SW MUSIC., but with hugging, hugging though!, i'm going to find the people who wrote sw music and fuck them up, lots of hugging, pain y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24521185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedisasternerd/pseuds/thedisasternerd
Summary: "We will arrive on Tatooine soon." Obi-Wan whispers hoarsely. "We'll be giving Luke away."Luke is sleeping, innocent, unknowing of pain (for now), in his cot. Cody’s heart aches for him, too.He nods, to show he heard, swallowing thickly, and buries his face in Obi-Wan's shoulder, their hands still over each other's hearts. He manages to get his other arm to move and wraps it around Obi-Wan's waist, then slides his other one around, too, shifting closer - because after everything, he can't lose Obi-Wan too. He was so close to losing him forever. He can't let that happen. He won't. Hewon't. He's going to hold Obi-Wan and not let him go, not ever, so he tightens his grip and presses his face into the crook of Obi-Wan's neck, which is exposed and warm under his cheek. He smells of dust and disinfectants, but he's gloriously alive.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 15
Kudos: 227





	how it ends

**Author's Note:**

> I LITERALLY JUST WANTED TO LISTEN TO STAR WARS MUSIC. BUT I FOUND ALL THE SAD MUSIC INSTEAD, AND AT 2AM I SUDDENLY GOT ALL THE FUCKING FEELS AND STARTED CRYING AND HAD TO WRITE THIS TO COPE.  
> (...how to cope with fandom feels on top of Lots Of Unpleasant Irl Shit 101:  
> a) whatever you do don't fucking listen to the sad music. b) write fix-its that are barely fix-its but have hugs and crying and mutual love)

"So this is how it ends." Obi-Wan chokes out, voice dry like the desert they’re headed to.

Cody doesn't answer. He doesn't know how to. His chest is too tight. He can't breathe, the words don't come. Grief is a hand around his throat, terror needles in his eyes. He thinks he's shivering, or maybe he's limp, he's not sure, and he doesn't care. What does it matter - he's alive, he's sane, he hasn't had his mind taken away from him, and all his vod'e are- are worse than dead, they're _gone_. The Jedi are all dead by the hands of those who swore to protect them. Cody almost raised his own hand against Obi-Wan - who is as good as gone, now, too.

“This is it. The end.” All consuming _anguish_ is pouring out of all the cracks in Obi-Wan's fragile masks, already worn out from the war; his carefully constructed mental armour is absolutely wrecked. It was already so close to shattering and Cody doesn't know what the final blow was, but now he's bleeding out pain and grief and exhaustion and, worst of all, _acceptance_. The acceptance of this silence. The acceptance that this is all - irreversible. 

That this is - after the war. That this is the end.

(This is the time they hoped for. This is the time they lost. This is the time they never got.)

This is the acceptance before death, before execution. This is the silence between a firing squad and the condemned. This is the silence after the shots ring out.

All that's left is to wait for the bodies to fall.

They already have fallen - but not all of them. Maybe there's nothing left to wait for, now. So what is there to live for?

( _Live for us, for him_ , Rex had said, looking straight at Cody with hope in his eyes, _Li_ _ve for those you love. Live for Obi-Wan Kenobi, and that is the greatest gift you can ever give him._ )

But Obi-Wan's voice cracked like so many crash landings and Cody - he burns with the wreckage. 

His head hurts, from where the chip should be and from everything else. His heart - he doesn't know where it is. On Utapau? Here, on this damn ship? Or maybe Obi-Wan has it, but Obi-Wan's falling apart and taking what he has of Cody's heart and mind and soul with him.

He just wants to go home - but he doesn't know what home is, not anymore: the Negotiator is a murder machine now and Obi-Wan isn't really _Obi-Wan_ anymore. Cody, too, was so close to becoming _CC-2224_ again that he's not sure who he is, either. 

He feels like a shiny again, scared, lost and alone despite Obi-Wan's presence next to him. (Obi-Wan isn't really here, though; he's lost somewhere between Mustafar and the Temple and Utapau.)

_Just wanna go home,_ He'd whispered so long ago to Rex, _gods_ , Rex-

He doesn't know what's happened to Rex. He doesn't know what's happened to - any of them. Maybe they fought it off...maybe...maybe they couldn't. Cody had screwed his eyes shut, his entire body on fire, and remembered Fives, _Fives_ , and Obi-Wan's bright blue eyes, then barely managed to save his bruised and broken Jedi, dragging him out of the water. They'd made it out scurrying behind the backs of the troopers who they were supposed to protect and who in turn protected them. Boil was giving the orders on Cody's behalf - except it hadn't been _Boil_ and it hadn't been the vod'e he'd known standing there. 

Obi-Wan could well be the only survivor, other than Yoda. He hopes Rex is still out there, fighting. He doesn't know what's become of commander Tano.

The rest, though. There are so _many_. So many - so many of them all just _dead_ , or, or _worse_.

Beside him, Obi-Wan is shaking now, eyes screwed shut, but his face is dry. He's monochrome, almost, in the white lights of the ship. Bleached, dried up. No tears left to cry. 

It makes Cody all too aware the itchy tracks down his own face, but he doesn't care; he bows his head and weeps, silent, his tears dripping down, trickling hot down his neck, under the robes he's been given, the ones that don't, won't sit right, not like the comfort of his blacks and his armour.

(What's the point of him, now? He's a soldier. Without war, he wouldn't exist.)

(But. _But-_ )

He manages to lift his head enough to see that Obi-Wan has drawn his arms tight around himself, as if to keep himself from tearing apart. (It's probably too late for that.) His eyes are empty, red-rimmed. His hair is a mess, his face is too pale. He's a ghost of who he once was.

Cody wants to reach out. Wants to take Obi-Wan's hand and say _it's okay, we're still together, we'll manage it_. But he can't. The words don't come. (They never did.)

So he cries, cries until he can't breathe, cries until he's exhausted and sagging into Obi-Wan's side, cries until he's too tired to care, cries until he runs out of tears, his eyes scratchy and stiff, and he can't open them anymore.

He comes to himself a little to find that Obi-Wan's curled up around him. Even after everything, he shushes Cody gently and rubs tired, trembling hands over his back, fingers barely there but making all the difference, tracing patterns he can't see. His Jedi's right hand hovers awkwardly on his shoulder before he splays it right over Cody's heart, the palm right over the starbird tattoo there. Obi-Wan has a matching one, over his own too-big heart.

Cody reaches up and places his own hand on Obi-Wan's chest. The Jedi's pulse is too fast, beating nexu-quick. He can feel the outline of the necklace and ring under Obi-Wan's robes; he's suddenly aware of the warm metal dangling under his own tunic. It's grounding, a reminded that after everything, they're still with each other, at least on a physical level.

(Cody wishes he could save him. But it's always the other way around, in the end.)

"We will arrive on Tatooine soon." Obi-Wan whispers hoarsely. "We'll be giving Luke away."

Luke is sleeping, innocent, unknowing of pain (for now), in his cot. Cody’s heart aches for him, too.

He nods, to show he heard, swallowing thickly, and buries his face in Obi-Wan's shoulder, their hands still over each other's hearts. He manages to get his other arm to move and wraps it around Obi-Wan's waist, then slides his other one around, too, shifting closer - because after everything, he can't lose Obi-Wan too. He was so close to losing him forever. He can't let that happen. He won't. He _won't_. He's going to hold Obi-Wan and not let him go, not ever, so he tightens his grip and presses his face into the crook of Obi-Wan's neck, which is exposed and warm under his cheek. He smells of dust and disinfectants, but he's gloriously _alive_.

Cody sniffs and heaves in a breath. Obi-Wan just hugs him tightly and presses his face into Cody's hair, breath shuddering out of him.

"We'll be alright." His fingers flex, digging into Cody's shoulders. "We'll be alright. We. We still have each other, at least." He chokes. "I don't. I don't know what I would've, would've done without you, Force, _Cody_."

"Obi-Wan." Cody can't say anything else, for now. But he tries. "I. _Obi-Wan_. We'll...we'll do it. Together."

" _Together_." Obi-Wan whispers.

They breathe.

* * *

* * *

The tears burn his face. He can't seem to stop them, no matter how hard he tries, or how tightly Cody holds him. Cody, Cody who managed to resist, Cody, the only person left in his life who's still with him. Cody, who's trembling but holds Obi-Wan steady. Cody, who wept and clutched him like a lifeline. Cody, _Cody_ , his Cody, his hope, his love, Cody who’s always had his back, Cody, who lived, who despite being given the choice to get away, chose to stay with him.

Obi-Wan had let the first of his tears slip out when Anakin screamed at him. But he didn't, after that, not on the ship, not in front of Bail, or Yoda, not when Padmé breathed her last. He didn't cry when he saw the younglings, all dead. He didn't cry before that, when he saw his troops die for the first time.He hadn't cried when Anakin threw accusations at him, angry and hurt and betrayed. He hadn't cried when Qui-Gon had all but cast him aside. He'd only let his heart shatter quietly, fragments of it leaving him, a trail of broken glass following him wherever he went, ground to dust. But the fragments inside of him had sparkled still, diamond sharp and cutting - but now, all that's left of him is ash.

He hadn't cried; maybe he should've.

(He should’ve done so many things, but he didn’t. He’s a failure. He failed everyone. He should’ve-) 

But _now_. Now, he can't, anymore. 

He clings tight to the last hope in his life and weeps. He digs his fingers into Cody's shoulders, buries his face in his commander's neck, and lets himself cry. Lets the tears run down his face, scalding hot. They must be dripping onto the exposed skin of Cody's neck, but the man doesn't seem to mind, just shushes him, carding gentle fingers through his hair, and rocks them from side to side. 

Obi-Wan knows he should probably let go, that he should scrape himself together, pretend that he can function. He should probably let go. 

(Jedi aren’t supposed to form attachments, even though it’s too late for that. Besides, he doesn’t deserve Cody, Cody didn’t leave, he failed Cody but Cody didn’t leave him.)

But he can't bring himself to.

So he holds on tighter. Cody's grip on him also strengthens, and he must still be weak from the way he just _shattered_ earlier, but his arms are solid around Obi-Wan, they ground him, reminding him that while - while Anakin is... _gone_ , they're still alive, still clinging on to each other against all odds. 

They're pressed together from knee to shoulder, Cody's chin tucked into Obi-Wan's neck, Obi-Wan's face pressed into the rough robes covering Cody's shoulder - but he can feel the comfort of solid muscle under his cheek, his hands, encompassing him like a protective shield. Cody's hands are tight on Obi-Wan's sides and he realises, belatedly, that his fingers are probably painful for Cody's back. He relaxes his grip and gently massages the area there, the motion jerky and repetitive, but somehow soothing.

The tears let up, for a minute, as he sends a weak pulse of comfort to Cody. He gets a wave of gentle affection and trust and love back. They both ignore the tattered remains of their hearts, for now. Cody's murmuring something - _mando'a?_ \- quietly and rubbing soothing hands up Obi-Wan's back. It's a brief lull, familiarity and love washing over him.

Then, it all comes crashing down again, choking him, suffocating, burning up.

_Anakin's gone. Padmé's gone, the vod'e are gone, everything is gone._

But it's the same for Cody too - he's being selfish, now, taking comfort from someone who needs it just as much.

(He's at fault, it's his fault, the galaxy is burning and it's all his fault. If he hadn't been such a bad master to Anakin, if he had shown forethought, empathy, if he hadn't been-)

"I'm sorry." He rasps and he thinks he tastes blood. "I'm so, so, _sorry_ , ni ceta, Cody, _please_ , I'm so _sorry._ "

"Ne'johaa." Cody snaps in his ear, arms tightening further and Obi-Wan has difficulty breathing now, but he doesn't care, he has to be as close to Cody as possible, has to know that they won't let go of each other. "Whatever it is you're thinking, _don't_. It's not your fault. He made his own choices, and you weren't responsible for the chips. It's not your fault."

Obi-Wan sniffs, doesn't bother to reply - Cody will see it all eventually, _Force_ he hopes he doesn't, but he will, and he will leave. After all, Cody knows him too well. Knows his vices, his habits, all his faults. Cody knows his thought processes, too, what with the fragile Force bond they have, the one that Obi-Wan is too scared to talk about. 

He's scared. And since he's scared he's a coward, and if he's a coward-

" _Obi-Wan_." Cody's tone is sharp. 

Obi-Wan stops thinking. Just breathes. The Force howls around him, and he screams his pain and anguish into it, his voice one of millions. 

Then he severs his connection to it - and everything is silent. Behind them, the sun sets, slowly, crowned with sanguine red, over the empty desert. 

It's just him and Cody now. His ragged sobs quieting down into unsteady breathing. Cody exhaling and inhaling as if by rote. It's just the two of them. Breathing.

He holds on, and Cody doesn't let him go.

**Author's Note:**

> [ni ceta - sorry (lit: I kneel) grovelling apology - rare]  
> [ne'johaa - shut up]
> 
> I exist on tumblr [here](https://thedisasternerd.tumblr.com/), so come yell/chat with me!
> 
> my love to y'all, and any feedback you can give is greatly appreciated :)


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